sweetest tongue, sharpest teeth
by pleasesaycaroline
Summary: Klaroline & Mabekah & Kennett: Caroline moves to Transylvania where she meets her new best friends Rebekah and Kol, who are zombies, and their brother Klaus, a werewolf who confuses her with feelings she didn't know she could have. AU.


**a/n -** LOL. What even is this? I watched an episode of 'Summer in Transylvania' and this sprouted. No idea where it's going to go though.

* * *

**One: _the not-so-secret secret of Stoker High_**

* * *

She wonders if it's a phase. Everybody has phases. She's had dozens; there was neurotic!Caroline, mean girl!Caroline, straight A!Caroline, straight detention!Caroline, nobody understands me!Caroline, I'm going to marry Edward Cullen and have kinky vampire sex everyday!Caroline and multiple other Carolines. So, maybe gay!Bill is a phase too. Maybe she won't have to move to Transylvania and befriend creepy Emo people. Maybe her parents won't split up and she can continue secretly sipping cranberry juice in her mom's fancy ass wine glasses- because what's so damn special about wine that it needs it's own freaking collection of glasses and you break one (like, it was only _chipped_...sort of) and you're suddenly the spawn of satan, which is ironic because y'know she's her mother and all. Maybe she can finish the year with her very best friends and familiar classes and teachers and home. Maybe that's not her dad sticking his tongue down her Algebra teacher's throat- oh, um, maybe not.

**0.0**

It's yellow. Her new house is yellow. _Yellow_. It's a dark neighbourhood with undoubtably rapists and serial killers and whatnot and her house is lit up like a Christmas tree. She just knows this is the start of something terrible. There might as well be a giant glowing arrow above her house (which would have 'I'm with stupid' written over it). She cannot even because _it's freaking yellow_.

**0.0**

She cries herself to sleep.

**0.0**

A scream echoes through the house. Bill rushes towards the kitchen ("What is it? What's wrong? Will we need to go into witness protection? What's happened?") and finds his daughter staring open-mouthed at his new boyfriend. He laughs awkwardly.

"Caroline, this is Steven. Steven, Caroline."

"Hello." Air bubbles float through the tank. Caroline gapes.

"Dad!" She squeaks. "When you said Steven was brainy..."

"Yeah, um." Bill scratches the back of his head.

"This is..." Caroline shakes her head.

"Look, Carebear. It's really not that bad. He's just a little different, is all."

"Dad." She stares at him, still in disbelief. "He's a brain in a box."

"I know." Bill nods.

"But, _dad_. He's a literal brain in a literal box."

"Well technically it's a tank." Steven's robotic voice echoes through the kitchen.

"He's a talking literal brain in a literal tank." Caroline sighs. "This is not okay."

Bill laughs nervously. "Yeah, there's something I've been meaning to tell you about your school."

**0.0**

Caroline walks into Stoker High with her head held high. She glances around at the zombies, witches, vampires and werewolves. Also literal, apparently. If she was worried about everything before it was nothing compared to the actual truth of the neighbours wanting to _eat_ her. Sometimes she hates her life.

**0.0**

People - could she even call them that? - stare at her. She gulps and scurries down the hall with her folder and English book in her hands. Where the hell is she supposed to go for lunch? Or to not be lunch? Caroline glances over her shoulder and slams into something hard. The something hard screeches. She looks up to find a girl with her wavy brown hair covered in red liquid.

"Opps." She laughs nervously. The girl growls- _growls_.

"You little-" Before the girl can grab her, a blonde steps in the way.

"Hello Elena!" She says overly brightly. "Love the new 'do." The brunette hisses and glares at Caroline before disappearing (like, literally _poofs_).

"I'm Rebekah and that's my brother Kol." She nods to the guy behind Caroline. "You must be lunch." Caroline gulps and shrinks back towards the lockers.

**0.0**

They let Caroline sit at their table. She glances around at the odd looking beings while nibbling on her chicken sandwich. Rebekah and Kol are zombies. It shows. Kol sports the all out black look but his sister wears illuminated everything. She's a big flashing sign- she'd look nice as a gnome in Caroline's garden, she'd fit in anyway.

"Don't let Elena bother you. She's a bitchy vampire. Thinks she rules the school." Rebekah tells her.

"Are you kidding? She thinks she rules the world." Kol snorts, glaring at the table with the brunette from earlier and two other men that seemed to be fawning over her. Caroline notices how particularly attractive they are. Rebekah smiles.

"They're the Salvatores. Really easy if you're interested. I've had both of them."

"Had?" Caroline's eyebrows go from furrowed to stretched. "Oh."

"Just don't tell Elena." Rebekah winks. Kol chortles.

Caroline hears the distinct sound of someone sniffing. She turns her head to the right and jumps when she sees the guy that's suddenly sitting there.

"Nik! Stop being creepy!" Rebekah scolds.

"She smells nice." He turns back to Caroline. "You smell nice."

"Um, sandwich?" She offers him the other half of her chicken sandwich meekly. He shoots his dimples at her and accepts it.

Rebekah sighs. "Caroline, this is my brother Nik. He likes you to call him Klaus."

"She can call me whatever she wants." He shrugs, munching gleefully on the meaty sandwich.

"But he doesn't- ah," Caroline bites her lip. "Look like you."

"I'm glad you noticed how pretty of a werewolf I am." Klaus turns to his sister. "I like her. Can I keep her?"

"Sorry, Nik." Kol slurps whatever green liquid is in his flask. "'Bekah called dibs."

"As a friend!" Rebekah laughs nervously. "I called dibs on you as a _friend_."

Caroline decides to ignore the previous. "How come you and Kol are zombies but Klaus is a werewolf?" She shakes her head. "I cannot believe I just said that."

"Our mother's a tramp."

"KOL!"

"Well, her vagina is. The other parts of her are too old to even reach the cookie jar without spazzing and freezing mid-grab."

Rebekah sighs. One friend, that was all she wanted.

**0.0**

A week passes but Caroline adjusts. She becomes closer with Rebekah and learns to tolerate Kol's sense of humour and Klaus' lurking and watching of her. She even befriends the only other human in school; Matt Donovan. Rebekah still gets flustered whenever he's around but he's been a great friend to her. Helping her deal with everything.

"So you've officially survived until Friday." Rebekah grins teasingly. "Ready to party hard and dead with us this weekend at The Stakeout?"

("The only bar worth being at." Kol had told her.)

"I think I'll pass. It's kind of hard with everyone wanting to eat me." Caroline's eyes drift to the werewolf watching her by the water dispenser.

"Who? Nik?" Rebekah laughs. "Nik doesn't want to eat you, silly. He wants to mate with you."

Caroline drops her textbook.

**0.0**

She invites Rebekah to her house. The luminous zombie laughs at her theory on the yellow. Of course she likes it - "But it matches your hair, Carebear." - that is so very _Rebekah_ of her.

"Is that a thing you people do here?" Caroline lowers her voice. "Mate?"

"As opposed to going extinct?" Rebekah raises an eyebrow.

"No. As opposed to, y'know, like, dating." She shakes her head and shrugs her shoulders.

"What's the point? They both have the same outcome."

"But isn't it- ugh, I don't know." Caroline groans and falls back on her bed.

"Well you better know soon because Nik's already chosen you." Rebekah crunches on a crisp.

"Chosen me?" She questions and Rebekah nods. "Well can't he, like, _un_-chose me?"

Rebekah laughs. Then stops, realising she's serious. "He's a werewolf, Caroline. They mate once and it's for life."

"Brilliant." Caroline mumbles.

"So, you're coming with us to The Stakeout, right?"

"Only if you get Klaus off my back."

"But-" Caroline shoots her a challenging look. "Fine. I'll _try_, but know this, werewolves love sudden, fast and hard. My brother is most certainly no exception."

**0.0**

"And what would a woman have to look like to be the most attractive to you?" Rebekah reads the question from LoveBitesBack_dotcom_. She holds the laptop to her chest and looks to her brother for an answer.

Klaus blinks, "Caroline."

"You can't answer that for everything!" His sister groans. "You need to answer these seriously so we can find someone who will love you!"

Klaus nods with a smile, "Caroline."

"She means willingly, Nik." Klaus' mouth forms an 'O' shape, Kol turns to his sister. "Enough with the online dating, Beks. He's hopeless just like us and our inevitable inbreeding."

"Ew, Kol." Rebekah wrinkles her nose. "You need to stop listening to mother's crazy talk, you know her new brain is from the 1500's."

**0.0**

"Hey guys!" Caroline greets them as she slips into the booth beside Kol. Rebekah and Klaus sit directly across from them.

"Caroline, finally. Thank goodness you're here!" Rebekah shoves a book at her.

"Um." Caroline awkwardly fixes the book so she can read it and raises her eyebrow at the catalog of clothing- opened on the sparkly, colourful outfits_ of course_.

"For the Halloween Fright Fest." Rebekah giggles. "It's a dance."

"It's stupid, is what it is." Kol mutters, slurping his weird green liquid.

"Kol got rejected." Rebekah smirks. Kol sticks his tongue out at her.

"The little witch is just playing hard to get." He reassures himself.

"Well, she obviously won't go with you if you're calling her things like that." Caroline snorts and orders tea from the passing waiter. If they serve whatever the hell Kol is drinking they're bound to serve tea.

"Literal witch, sweetheart." Klaus smiles and looks at her like she's the most adorable thing in the world. Caroline glares at Rebekah who shrugs and mouths 'I said _try_'.

"So which one?" Rebekah changes the subject, pointing to the catalog.

"Uh." Caroline blinks. Klaus places a hand at the side of his mouth that faces Rebekah and mouths 'green' to her. "The green one?" The waiter arrives with her tea, smirking down at her as their fingers brush when she pays him.

Rebekah grins. "See brothers. Somebody has fashion sense." She hops out of the booth. "I'm going to go order it!"

"I'm going to go make sure she doesn't use my credit card again." Kol trots after her, flask in hand.

They leave Caroline stirring her tea and Klaus watching her.

"Do you love me yet?"

She takes the spoon out of her cup and sucks the tea off it. "No."

They sit in silence, Caroline sipping her tea and Klaus watching her.

"Can I keep that spoon?"

**0.0**

On Sunday Rebekah calls and asks if she'll go to the mall. She says no.

"Caroline!" Rebekah groans. "Don't leave me alone with my brothers!"

"No. I'm not pushing my luck. I'm lucky to be alive after you ditched me at The Stakeout."

"I didn't _ditch_ you." Rebekah rolls her eyes. "You had Nik."

"Yeah, don't tell him but I'm kind of extremely grateful he offered to walk me home." They had talked and Caroline would never admit it but it wasn't even the slightest bit awkward. They just fell into comfortable conversation.

"Why shouldn't I tell him? He'd be delighted." Rebekah asks, puzzled.

"Exactly!"

There is a pause. "Humans are weird."

"Yeah, _we're_ the freaky race." Caroline snorts.

"But doesn't that mean you've accepted him? When you let him walk you home?"

"No! I only let him walk me home because he beat up that sleazy waiter that kept looking down my blouse." Caroline pauses. "Should I visit him at the hospital?" She shakes her head. "No, that'd be weird."

"Caroline." Rebekah sighs.

"What?"

"Are you only pretending to not want to mate with my brother?"

"Ew, no. Why would I do that?"

"I don't know, I don't understand humans." Rebekah grumbles. "It's just, you're giving out all the wrong signals."

"No. I just rewarded him for doing something chivalrous." Caroline shrugs.

Rebekah pauses. "Was the waiter a werewolf?"

"Yeah." Caroline tilted her head. "He had the teeth. It was freaky."

"Nik didn't just do it out of the kindness of his heart, Caroline." Rebekah chuckles. "He was showing his ownership of you."

"...SERIOUSLY?!"

**0.0**

Rebekah orders Caroline to twirl. She examines the pink dress with a frown. She taps her pointer finger against her chin. "Try the blue again."

"For Frankenstein's sake, Beks." Kol shakes his head, ever the humorist. "Just pick one already!"

"Beauty takes time, Kol." Rebekah chides. "And Caroline needs to be perfect."

"Why? Who is she trying to impress?" Kol wiggles his eyebrows. Rebekah smirks. Klaus frowns. Caroline raises her eyebrows and looks between them.

"Well, well, well." A black haired guy is suddenly sitting beside Kol, who grits his teeth in annoyance. "Look what the circus spat out. Nice dress, Blondie." He sniggers and Caroline frowns. Sure it's kind of flashy but isn't that what this dance is about?

"Watch your words, Salvatore." Klaus growls.

"Make me, Mikaelson." He smirks.

"Careful Damon. You don't want to make the puppy angry." Elena pops up beside Caroline. God she hates vampires. Klaus glares at Elena, his fists tight by his side. "Somebody might get a boo boo."

"What do you want, leeches?" Kol glares at Damon.

"Oh, nothing." Elena laches on to Caroline's dress and rips the top layer off. Caroline gapes at her and she smiles. "Thought I'd do it a favour." She then disappears.

"Nice underwear, Barbie." Damon smirks before vanishing.

"I hate them." Rebekah mutters.

"I'm sorry." Caroline sighs before disappearing into the changing room.

"It's not your fault, Caroline. You didn't mean to be so clumsy and ruin your social life." Klaus slaps Kol on the back of the head.

"What he means is, they're bullies and they're just looking for an easy target. You just have to ignore them and they'll eventually get bored." Rebekah nods. "Or push them in the swamp."

"Now who's been listening to mother's crazy talk?" Kol sips out of his flask.

Caroline comes out of the dressing room in her normal clothes. She brings the blue and pink dresses to the counter. She's going to have to pay for the damaged one and she needs something to wear to the dance.

"Do you want me to kill her?" Klaus appears beside her.

"No, that's okay." She laughs softly. "Thanks Klaus." He nods. She pays for the dresses and links her arm through his, walking after Rebekah and Kol who are arguing about the correct way to eat a slug. Caroline lets her head fall on Klaus' shoulder and sighs wistfully as she watches Rebekah tear Kol's arm off and slap him on the head with it. Maybe she might like it here after all.

**0.0**


End file.
